• Humor

    I’m moving.

    I’m moving. Boom. Got you to read. Good. it’s good for you to read. I don’t care if others look at you and roll their eyes because you’re “on your phone.” Screw them. You’re reading. It’s good for your soul. I’m moving. I’m moving in the land of the Internet – the space on your phone, if you will. I’m moving my blog. I’m changing the name and the design. I’m getting new photos taken. I’m even changing the domain name. Don’t worry – I will move my old posts because you don’t throw out the furniture when you move. Ok, the good furniture. Until then, I’ll still be writing.…

  • Humor

    One more Christmas post.

    There are many things in life we don’t get to choose. How tall we are. Our eye color. Your ugly ass feet. Who your parents are. Who your aunts and uncles are. Your grandparents. Your cousins. Your second cousins. Your siblings. And the people they chose to marry. Certain traditions, such as the tradition of spending the holidays with the family. Whether you chose to honor that tradition, well, that is your choice. I chose to spend the holidays with my family because my family is funny as hell and this is why I am the way I am. Overheard at the family Christmas Eve party: ____________ You just showed…

  • Oh Emma Oh Kate

    Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

    Oh Emma, Oh Kate is a series of funny things my kids say. Emma is 11 and Kate is 8.  _____________ Kate: Can I take a mistletoe to school? _____________ I brought the girls over my parents house. Emma: What are you eating? My mom: We got some food from Freddy’s. Kate: Oh. We ate nothing. _____________ Kate: Why don’t you wear heels? Me: Because they make me taller than daddy and he doesn’t like that. Kate: Tell him ‘too bad’ and be taller. _____________ Kate: (petting our dog, Belle) Oh Belle Belle! You look dead laying here. Yes, you do! You look dead, Belle Belle! _____________ I picked up…

  • Humor,  marriage

    The next door neighbors.

    I don’t like writing stories that involve alcohol. Drunk stories, if you will. Stories about being under the influence. Sure, they’re funny and they show a part of our personalities that most people will never see. But the land of the Internet is not just you, Scott, and me. It’s employers, it’s potential clients, it’s our parents, possibly our future adult children. It’s our doctors making a mental note to check the “drinks alcohol” box on our charts. It’s people we’ve never met watching Scott and me roll by their house in a red golf cart at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning. This wasn’t a normal Saturday morning joy…

  • National Geographic Kids

    For the adventurer.

    Hello. I don’t know how you got here but here you are. You stumbled upon my blog. My name is Julie. My family nickname is Bug, if you’re curious where the “Bug” came from in “Bug Bytes.” And “bytes,” well – it’s a decision I regret. I don’t know what a byte is but it has something to do with computers. Bug on the computer. I’m married to Scott. There’s a lot I could say about Scott but for now, all you need to know is he’s my husband. I have a daughter, Emma. She is 11 years old and in 6th grade. It’s called middle school now, not jr.…

  • NaBloPoMo

    Day 30.

    Day 30. I know it’s the 1st. December 1st. It’s not even November anymore. I missed the last day of November writing month. Out of all the days, I missed Day 30. Let’s go back in time, shall we? It’s November 30th. 1487 – Germany. A law is states beer should be brewed from only three ingredients: water, malt and hops. Albert IV, Duke of Bavaria, got shitfaced on this cold night. He threw a case of Summer Shandy out of his window, grabbed a pretzel, and declared, “that beer tasted like shit.” 1753 – United States. Benjamin Franklin received the Godfrey Copley medal for his “curious experiments” and “observations…

  • NaBloPoMo

    I stood with Henry.

    I sat up straight and smiled at the dermatologist walking in the room. She smiled back, sat down, and explained my diagnosis. “Julie, you have a hair loss condition called Telogen Effluvium. Your body went into shock immediately after the loss of your nephew and almost losing your sister. Three months ago, those two events were enough to shut your body down momentarily. Your fingernails stopped growing too. Your body seems to have corrected the shock. I see where your fingernails grew again. Your hair will do the same but because hair grows in a cycle, it will take about a year or maybe longer for your hair to grow…

  • NaBloPoMo

    36 things I learned in 36 years.

    I’m 36 years old and one day. I am another year older, wiser, but still not any more mature. 36 things I learned in 36 years – in no particular order: Make your serving size. Leftovers aren’t good. They just aren’t. There may be a few recipes or meals that hold an exception but I can’t think of anything worth mentioning. Eat the serving size in front of you. Seconds are better than leftovers. Eat and exercise like you have heart disease and diabetes. Because you will if you don’t exercise. This one is not fun. I know. But it’s necessary and maybe, just maybe, it will become fun. People will think what they…

  • NaBloPoMo

    This page is intentionally left blank.

    I fell asleep writing a blog post yesterday. Yesterday was my birthday. 36 years old. It was a tame one, as I would expect any 36th birthday to be. I didn’t even get a cake or ice cream. But I did get to introvert. My houseguests left. The wedding party left. The Russians left. The leftovers went down my drain. The beer, wine, and liquor is put away. My house is quiet and it’s the four of us again. Thanksgiving, a rehearsal dinner, and a wedding – done. I’m exhausted. This page is intentionally left blank. ______________ Wait, don’t go! Find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. And don’t forget to buy my…

  • NaBloPoMo

    And that’s how I met the mother of the bride.

    Today is the day when two become one. Today, there will be a marriage between a man and a woman. It’s a blending of two families. The groom’s family hails from middle America. The bride’s family is Russian. The groom’s family wakes up to fireball shots on Thanksgiving/wedding weekend. The bride’s family are non-drinkers. The groom is Scott’s cousin. I will be sitting on the groom’s side today. The mother of the bride will be sitting on the bride’s side. She will be sitting as far as she can from me. Cousin Julie. The rehearsal dinner was going well until the mother of the bride walked up to me with a…