Oh Emma Oh Kate

Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

I took Kate to a public restroom. I walked inside a stall then turned around and waited. Kate walked in.

Me: Wait. There’s no more toilet paper in that one. Wait for another.

Kate: I just won’t wipe.

Me: I don’t think so. You will wipe.

Kate:  Ugh, fine.

We wait for another stall.

Kate: Got a turtlehead poking out now.


Kate: Why did you say dammit, Scott?


Kate: I hate school assemblies.

Me: Why?

Emma: The principal just talks and talks.

Kate: Yeah. And she never claps for herself. She just stops talking and waits for us to clap.


Me: Kate, do you want a croissant sandwich for lunch tomorrow?

Kate: I hate them.

Me: I’ve packed them in your lunch before.

Kate: Well, I accidentally drop them on the floor at lunch. All of them.


Emma: I love ice skating.

Scott: I do too. You know what it reminds me of? Charlie Brown!

Kate: Remember the part in the movie when Charlie Brown gets naked?


We went to Crown Center in Kansas City. We ice skated outside then walked around the “mall” part. Inside, a kids choir was singing Christmas carols.

Scott: Let’s watch the kids sing for a little bit.

Kate: What is this, like church or something?


I tucked Kate in bed and walked out of her room.

Kate: Mommy!

Me: Yes.

Kate: Will you come back later and take a picture of me sleeping?

Me: What? Why?

Kate: I want to see what I look like.


Kate: Simon says touch your nose.

Me: (touch nose)

Kate: Simon says touch your cheek.

Me: (touch cheek)

Kate: Simon says fart.


Me: Are you done murdering your sister?

Kate: Yeah.

Me: And what do you say?

Kate: Sorry.


I brought the girls to a pet store to get the dogs some food. We stopped by the puppies and a store employee asked if we wanted to hold one. The girls picked out a puppy to play with.

Kate: I want to take this puppy home with us!

Emma: Kate, they turn into monsters like Stella. Don’t let them trick you. Believe me, you DON’T want this puppy.


Emma has allergies that makes her cough. It gets bad at night. I was giving her medicine before she went to bed.

Emma: I hate this medicine.

Me: Here, drink it fast then drink something you like right after. It’s called a shooter and a chaser.

(I get her some chocolate milk)

Emma: Ok. Got my shooter (holds up medicine). And I got my catcher (holds up chocolate milk).

Me: CHASER. The shooter and the chaser!


Emma: If you get hurt, sometimes you will get another person’s blood.

Kate: WHAT!

Me: She’s right. If you lose enough blood, a hospital will give you someone else’s. People donate blood. Kate, you have some weird blood type. Emma and I are normal.

Emma: What do you mean?

Me: There are different types of blood. Emma and I are O negative. We can give blood to anyone, it doesn’t matter what their blood type is. Kate, I think you and daddy are A negative or something. You can only give to people with your blood type. It won’t match with everyone. Something like that.

Scott: Kate! We’re like blood brothers!

Kate: Blood sisters.


Kate: AH! I have a paper cut!

Me: Are you bleeding bad? Do you need a band-aid?

Kate: I’m at about 10%.


Kate: I drawed you something.

Me: Cute! Wait, who’s it for? You wrote ‘to mom or dad or question mark.’

Kate: I couldn’t decide who to make it for.


Kate: Look at my toy I got from school for being good!

Me: Oh, that’s kinda cute.

Emma: It’s made in China. (walks off)


Kate: If you work at McDonald’s, you have less money.

Me: Who told you that?

Kate: I made it up.


I was listening to “Linus and Lucy” on Christmas radio. It’s all instrumental.

Emma: Hey, this is Snoopy!

Me: It’s called Linus and Lucy.

Kate: Ugh! Just start singing!


Kate: You jingleberry!

Me: What did you call her?

Emma: Daddy told us what a dingleberry is and she keeps saying it wrong.


The girls and I were jogging in the parking lot towards the gym doors because it was cold.

Kate: Let’s have a race!

Me: Ok.

Kate: (takes off, yells over her shoulder) LAST ONE IS A ROTTEN FISH EGG!

Me: A rotten fish egg?

Emma: Mom, she makes up random stuff.


We were eating at a Mexican restaurant. A waiter put Kate’s water down in front of her.


Waiter laughs.

Me: What?

Kate: Spanish. Means don’t touch me.


I told Kate to brush her teeth.

Kate: You’re not the boss of me.

Me: Uh, yes I am. I am your mom.

Kate: (scrunches nose) Then you can’t control me.



Emma was picking up dog poop in our back yard. Our neighbor was outside in back.

Neighbor: Hey Emma!

Emma: Hi!

Neighbor: Will you come pick up my yard too?

Emma: (laughs)


Me: Do you want me to put on the jets in the tub?

Kate: No, I only have the jets on when I’m at Nana’s.

Me: My tub does the exact same thing.

Kate: But I can only really relax at Nana’s.


Kate called Emma into my bathroom while she was taking a bath.

Emma busts open my door.

Emma: MOM!

Me: What?

Emma: All she wanted was for me to come in there to watch bubbles float to the top from her farting.


Kate: MOM! The book fair was today! You didn’t give me any money!

Me: It goes all week. I’ll give you some money tomorrow.

Kate: I’ll just tell Nina (grandma) to give me money from the bank she works at. One hundred dollars.


We were racing Scott home from the gym.

Me: Good thing you stayed with me! We beat daddy home!

Kate: FO SHO.


Me: Hey, will you bring me a candy cane?

Kate: Nope. Sorry. You have braces. No hard candy.


Emma: Mom, did you know my gymnastics teacher is 16?

Me: Yeah, she looks it.

Emma: Yeah, she does. SO OLD.


Me: Who wants marshmallows in their hot chocolate?

Kate: Me!

Emma: Not feeling the marshmallows today.


Kate: Who lives in apartments?

Me: Lots of people. It’s cheaper than buying. Or if you need to live somewhere for a temporary amount of time. Like when you go to college, you’ll probably live in an apartment.

Kate: YAY! I can leave at midnight whenever I want!


I was quizzing Kate on her spelling words.

Me: Spell but.

Kate: Y-O-U-B-U-T-T.


I was in Florida with the girls and we stayed at a hotel. Our TV kept turning on and off by itself. I called the front desk for a maintenance guy. Maintenance shows up.

Me: It keeps turning on while we’re sleeping and now it won’t shut off.

Maintenance: Sometimes these TVs short out. If you unplug it, it should take care of it.

Me: Or it’s a ghost.

Emma: MOM. STOP.


Me: What should we get daddy for Christmas?

Kate: A box of macaroni and cheese.



Merry Christmas! Love,

Scott, Julie, Emma, Kate, Belle and Stella Burton