Humor

The owls.

Good morning!

The sun is up. The birds are chirping. You’re drinking coffee and dressed to perfection. Some might call you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Or some might call you a squirrel.

Try again.

Good morning!

The sun is up and you want to kill yourself so you can sleep just a little bit longer. I’m kidding. No one is getting stabby. Unless I hear a rooster and a cock-a-doodle-do then I may just chop a rooster head. I’m kidding. I live in suburbia. There are no roosters in suburbia. But there are 8:30 am smiley teachers, 7 am trash truck drivers, and a puppy that needs to pee at 6 am. They’ve all gotten the finger behind their back.

I speak for the night owls. You’ll know one when you see one.

We’ll never grow up.

Quick – who’s the first one to wake up in the house? Your mom. That’s who.

Waking up in the early morning is called adult’ing. Owls are not good at adult’ing. We’re the eternal teenage kid. Jobs and kids may slow us down but we still get our full charge from the moon. We’re at the gym at 10 pm and showered by midnight. And, yes, that would be us sending you texts with gifs at 1 am – “r u awake?”

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We look our best in dimmed lighting.

We look a little rough around the edges in the morning. I’m not even saying this to fish for compliments – we look rough. We don’t take morning showers, that means we have bed head. We wear sunglasses on a cloudy day. We’re usually missing a shirt button because who can think this early. And we don’t talk much in the mornings because we’re trying to be invisible. No, we’re not sick – our eyelids just won’t fully open until noon. All we can think about is – “how do all these people look so good this early? And why do they keep talking? I just want it to be night time. 

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Our best work is done in PJs. 

Pajamas. Fluffy socks. Teeth are brushed. Face is clean. The house is quiet. Fireplace on. A nice glass of merlot. The creativity button – turned on. FIRE.

We take pictures of sunsets.

Or maybe it’s a sunrise. Maybe we woke up in time to watch the sunrise. You don’t know us, Instagram. Hashtag sunrise. Hashtag earlybird.

keys

We’re sneaky.

You never hear us pee at night. You never hear us laugh at YouTube videos. You are probably wondering who exploded leftover pasta sauce in the microwave because it was clean the night before. You never hear us practice our dance moves.

We are the masters at making sure your sleep is not disrupted. We want the whole house to ourselves, in complete silence. No distractions. Wait, was that a ghost?

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We’re terrible vacationers. 

The hotel cleaning staff hates us for our Do Not Disturb sign. The free continental breakfast is the world’s ploy to get us to wake up early. It never works. I know your tricks, cold eggs and crappy coffee. That’s why brunch was created by a night owl. Oh, and that first early morning flight – or early doctor and dentist appointments for that matter – well, that’s just not going to work out for us. Wheels up at sunset.

The true owls pass their owl tendencies to their children.

Our kids spread their little owlet wings in the night. They sleep until 10 am on the weekends. It’s incredible. The world will never know if this is nature or nurture. But our school-aged kids sleep in at teenage levels, maybe even college. Where’s our parent pride bumper sticker?

 

Are you a night owl or morning bird? Or both? Did adulthood/children change you? What about your spouse and kids? Are they the same or different than you? I don’t think night owls are much different than early birds other than we’re just on a different schedule. I have nothing against an early bird – it’s not you that gets the finger, it’s the morning. Let’s just agree that we all love coffee.