Oh Emma Oh Kate,  Parenting

Coors Light.

Beer me.

I use the term often, as any good parent should. When the kids push us off the ledge, the beer numbs the fall.

Even though I have two daughters that are at the age when estrogen is brewing just below the surface, they are still kids. When it’s time for bed, they still need help. I’m at their side, reminding them to brush and floss their teeth. They still ask for a kiss goodnight. I am usually the last one to turn off the lights. And after they are asleep, I still pick up their toys in the play area. The things I find amuse me – drawings, puppets made from socks, a stack of pillows for a fort,

an opened Coors Light can, full of water.

Emma: AGH! MOM! TURN OFF THE LIGHTS! TOO BRIGHT!

Me: Is this your beer can?

Emma: What are you talking about?

I squinted at her.

Me: Ugh, you’re telling the truth. That means…oh no.

I shut Emma’s door and opened Kate’s.

Me: WAKE UP.

Kate: UGH! MOM!

Me: Is this your beer can?

Kate:

Me: Kate Audrey. Is this your beer can?

Kate:

Me: I found this opened beer can full of water. Were you drinking from it?

Kate:

Me: You told me earlier today you got a cardboard box from the recycling bin. Did you take an empty beer can too?

Kate: (sighs)

Me: TELL ME NOW.

Scott: What’s the problem?

Me: Kate got your empty beer can from the recycling bin, filled it with water and she was most likely drinking it.

Scott: You sound so accusing.

Me: Kate, I’m going to ask you one more time. Is this your beer can?

Kate: Ugh. I’m done talking about this.

The kid pushed me off a ledge. She kept the beer and there’s nothing here to numb the fall.

 

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