See ya, men!
Did they leave yet?
I love having code words to get men out the room. They scatter like a flock of birds when a woman starts running towards them, flapping her arms, and screaming crazy talk.
Just us ladies? Cool.
Men. I don’t understand their minds. I thought I did. I thought I knew Scott. I’ve known the guy for 15 years. Scott is like most men.
The answer is always yes or no with Scott. Scott knows what he likes. He’s messy and unorganized. He’s athletic. He takes pride in opening a jar of spaghetti sauce but he’s not cocky. He loves making others feel better about themselves. He never expects a thank you. And, like all men, he likes pretty women.
He’s also turned off when a woman doesn’t shave her legs.
He’s turned off when a woman doesn’t shave her armpits.
Bikini area. Meh, I don’t think he cares about this one. Unless you’re in a bikini.
Hairy toes. Turn off.
Nose hair. Turn off.
Hairy face. “Why the hell would you shave your face? You’re not shaving your face. Please go get a hobby. I will divorce you if you start shaving your face.”
Scott has a problem with a woman shaving her face. It doesn’t make any sense. I believe I’m correct when saying most men only like hair on a woman’s head. Then Scott threw me for a loop and decided he likes silky smooth legs, soft skin, supple breasts, and a hairy face.
I shaved my face.
He’s not divorcing me. My face looks better. He just hasn’t noticed yet.
It’s not that I have a hairy face. I’m half Mexican but I have a white face and body. I have dark hair but the majority of my hair is on the top of my head. I don’t need to shave my face. I don’t have a mustache or even a single chin hair. I’m not a hairy person.
You see, I got to chatting with some girlfriends and I discovered shaving your face is the new thing to do. We all have peach fuzz on our face. If you remove the fuzz with short little strokes using a facial razor – not our normal leg razor or a men’s facial razor – it exfoliates your face. It also makes it easier for moisturizer to absorb and makeup goes on better.
I bought Finishing Touch Lumina from Target. (This is not a sponsored ad. I’m just telling you what I used.)
See? It’s not a normal razor. And I don’t have makeup on, not that you care because this is girl talk.
Use short little strokes at an angle and BOOM. Silky smooth face. It hasn’t grown back courser or darker. If you want a demo, watch this YouTube video. Hell no, it’s not me on YouTube. I’m awkward on camera.
Or maybe you’re all doing this and I’m the last to know.
There’s my new beauty secret. Don’t tell Scott.
I can’t say I know how a man’s mind works but I do know a woman’s secrets. Like how we go days, weeks even, without washing a bra. And how we drink our wine with the dead fruit fly in it because that’s what the fruit fly deserves. Or without thinking, we look at the the toilet paper after we wipe. Oh! We love to scrub the dandruff off our scalps before we get in the shower, really digging in good with our fingernails. We will waddle with a piece of toilet paper in our crotch until we can find a tampon…
The men are still here, aren’t they? That’s what you get for eavesdropping.
Women can be just as gross as men.