• Humor,  marriage

    The next door neighbors.

    I don’t like writing stories that involve alcohol. Drunk stories, if you will. Stories about being under the influence. Sure, they’re funny and they show a part of our personalities that most people will never see. But the land of the Internet is not just you, Scott, and me. It’s employers, it’s potential clients, it’s our parents, possibly our future adult children. It’s our doctors making a mental note to check the “drinks alcohol” box on our charts. It’s people we’ve never met watching Scott and me roll by their house in a red golf cart at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning. This wasn’t a normal Saturday morning joy…

  • Humor,  Womanhood

    Shame.

    You know when you were a kid and your mom yelled at you for pulling your sister’s hair? You knew better but did it anyway. There’s no way of “accidentally” pulling your sister’s hair. You know after years into adulthood, you get the lecture by the dental hygienist for not flossing well enough? You’re ashamed because you remembered to floss but you’re also a lazy ass and don’t want to get out of the warm bed and walk on the cold tile floor. Shame. Shame on you. The index finger shake. The shame shake. The you-knew-better shake. You know when you’re driving along the road and you think to yourself,…

  • Humor

    This is all I have to give you.

    There’s nothing here to read. I don’t have anything to write about. Well, no, that’s not true. I have things to write about but nothing sounds good. It’s like picking out a place to eat. I’m sick of Mexican food. I’m sick of salads. And I’m sick of all this political nonsense. It’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Let’s see, what do I have to offer my guests here on the ‘ole Bug Bytes… How about a glass of ice water and some screenshots? Pony up, let’s go.                       ___________ Wait, don’t go! Find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. 

  • Humor,  Hunting

    Dear Scott, part 1.

    Dear Scott, Here we are. Day 4 into your wild backpacking adventure in Colorado. I wonder if you found your prized bull elk yet. I can’t wait to watch you provide for our family by filling our freezer with elk meat. Also, an Instagram picture for you to reminisce with our future grandchildren.  I already have so much to tell you when you come down to the real world with wifi, cell signals, and my honey-do list. But don’t worry about that. That’s part 2. This is part 1. We’re fine, Scott. We’re fine. 96 hours of single parenting later, I am a completely sane individual. I can’t complain, really. The kids are at school for seven…

  • Humor,  Womanhood

    How to get laid.

    How to get laid.  Maybe you found this title on Facebook. Or maybe Twitter. Quite possibly this title popped up in your email. It wasn’t marked as high importance but you made it so. It’s called the hook – the sentence that grabs your attention. You click. Maybe the title is vaguely what the story is about. Or maybe the story spiraled off into a controversial subject and now there’s a comment war that you want no part of. Writers will say anything for that page hit. So yes, I got you to click but I’m following through with such bold expectations. The inspiration for this post came from a group text with our…

  • Parenting

    Solo parenting.

    The thing with being married to Scott is he is not home often. Scott has a job that requires a lot of travel. I can’t complain. He is good at what he does. He also has a pretend job, called I-think-I’m-single-and-have-no-kids-so-I’m-going-to-sit-in-a-treestand-all-day. Some would call hunting and fishing a hobby. This is not Scott’s hobby. Scott is a full-time professional hunter and fisherman. He’s just not paid for it. These two full time jobs leave me alone with the kids a lot. Solo parenting is a lot of work. It’s not fun. Oh, but sometimes it is.  Hey did you guys know you can make your own gifs?   The only time Scott is…