• Humor

    One more Christmas post.

    There are many things in life we don’t get to choose. How tall we are. Our eye color. Your ugly ass feet. Who your parents are. Who your aunts and uncles are. Your grandparents. Your cousins. Your second cousins. Your siblings. And the people they chose to marry. Certain traditions, such as the tradition of spending the holidays with the family. Whether you chose to honor that tradition, well, that is your choice. I chose to spend the holidays with my family because my family is funny as hell and this is why I am the way I am. Overheard at the family Christmas Eve party: ____________ You just showed…

  • Hunting

    Santa, we have a problem.

    Santa, you’re stressing me out. I am left with no choice but to leave a weapon for Emma on Christmas morning. A weapon – Emma wants a bow and arrow. I totally say it’s a weapon. Scott says, “coolest little girl ever.” I sat down with the girls last night and wrote down their wish list from Santa. I should have video taped it. Sometimes their conversation is solid gold: Me: Hey, Emma what are you going to ask Santa for Christmas? Emma: A cell phone! Me: I hope a toy cell phone because I think Santa only makes toys. Emma: Mom. His elves are the ones that make the toys. Me:…

  • Humor

    Santa nearly got busted.

    We had a close call at our house. I went to Toys R Us one night a few weeks ago and got the girls their gifts from Scott and I plus Santa. On Christmas morning, I will leave everything from Santa on top of their wrapped presents.  Santa’s toys are not wrapped and they have no packaging.  They are out and ready to play with.  That way Emma and Kate can see it right when they wake up.  Plus, the elves don’t put them in store packages, duh!  I also don’t want Emma to recognize my wrapping paper/handwriting. The night I got home from Toys R Us, I went ahead…

  • Humor

    Ho! Ho! Ho!

    I passed a billboard saying Santa would be at the Great Plains Mall. YAY! He’s back kids! I hate that mall.  Hate it.  It’s a dead mall.  But I swear that mall has the real Santa. He has a real beard.  He has sparkly blue eyes.  He talks to the kids for a long time and tells them magical things.  Last year he told Emma he really liked cookies a lot and he would like her leave him some.  This year he told Emma to look out her window on Christmas Eve, she might be able to hear a “ho ho ho” if she listens hard enough.  He also told her to…

  • Humor

    Christmas Day

    Santa Claus. Last year I could get away with not really talking about who Santa is.  Or who Jesus is as well.  It would just go right over Emma’s head. This is year is different.  She is old enough to have a conversation and understand anything I tell her basically.  She understands Jesus through books we’ve read her.  We’re not exactly the church-going type.  But she understands the story and that is all we really care about. But Santa…. Around November or so she asked about Santa…Scott and I told her who he is, what he does, etc. She was beyond excited about him.  All she would talk about is…