• NaBloPoMo

    We’re all mad here.

    Scott doesn’t have a Facebook account. I mean he has an account on Facebook but he never looks at it. He doesn’t even have the app anymore. He receives family and friends gossip from me. If you want to interact with Scott on social media  – follow him on Instagram. He only posts hunting pictures, for the most part. Why did Scott stop looking at Facebook? He says he got bored with it. People complained too much. I think he stopped using Facebook because the wives were killing my vibe. “Mike’s cool girlfriend hunts with him all the time. Look at all these turkeys she’s killed.” “Jim’s wife is super…

  • Humor,  Womanhood

    Shame.

    You know when you were a kid and your mom yelled at you for pulling your sister’s hair? You knew better but did it anyway. There’s no way of “accidentally” pulling your sister’s hair. You know after years into adulthood, you get the lecture by the dental hygienist for not flossing well enough? You’re ashamed because you remembered to floss but you’re also a lazy ass and don’t want to get out of the warm bed and walk on the cold tile floor. Shame. Shame on you. The index finger shake. The shame shake. The you-knew-better shake. You know when you’re driving along the road and you think to yourself,…

  • Parenting,  Womanhood

    Relax.

    It’s called chivalry. A gentleman should always hold the door open for a lady. A gentleman should offer his jacket if a lady gets cold. Is chivalry dead? Not unless the woman kills it. I can open the door myself, thank you.  The person that gets to the door first should hold the door open for the following person. Regardless of gender, anyone that wants to give up their coat for a someone that is cold is simply a nice person. Or maybe they’re just hot. It’s a new era. The 2017 etiquette for men has new rules. One rule, really. Flowers are always nice. No, forget the flowers. The one rule: never say the word relax.  I take that back – you can say…

  • NaBloPoMo,  Womanhood

    A hairy situation.

    Bloody tampons. See ya, men! ……….. ……….. ……….. Did they leave yet? I’ll wait. I love having code words to get men out the room. They scatter like a flock of birds when a woman starts running towards them, flapping her arms, and screaming crazy talk. Just us ladies? Cool. Men. I don’t understand their minds. I thought I did. I thought I knew Scott. I’ve known the guy for 15 years. Scott is like most men. The answer is always yes or no with Scott. Scott knows what he likes. He’s messy and unorganized. He’s athletic. He takes pride in opening a jar of spaghetti sauce but he’s not cocky. He loves making others…

  • Humor,  Womanhood

    Pillow Talk.

    I made a promise to myself. Yes, I happened to make a promise to myself in January. But it’s not a resolution. I’m back on my feet again and here we are – in January. I’m back to writing something, anything, every Monday. I’m forcing myself to write once, maybe twice a week. It might be funny. It might not. It might just be me saying hello and that’s it. So here we go. … you guys, I got nothin’. To the draft folder! I wrote this a few days before my niece had emergency surgery to stop bleeding on her brain. I never published this post because, at the time, my world paused.…

  • Parenting,  Womanhood

    Halfway there.

    They say after you have a baby, you blink, and then that baby is headed off to college. I call bullshit. A kid doesn’t just wake up one day and become an 18 year old. It’s a process. Time slows down after the age of 9. And do you know why years 9 through 18 are slowed down? I’ll tell you why – it’s so Scott and I can be slowly reminded we’re going to be grandparents one day. THAT’S WHY. The hormones that will make my grandchildren have showed up with their pretty, little eye-rolls. Emma turned 9 this weekend. I usually write a sweet post about Emma’s birthday. Emma’s birth made me a mom. She…

  • Womanhood

    Men get epidurals too.

    May 7, 2009. I gave birth to a blonde-haired baby girl named Kate. May 7, 2015. Scott claimed he went to a place where only women have gone. It’s a place where the human body tortures and rips itself open in the highest severity of pain. It’s the 10 out of 10. You guys, Scott experienced the pains of childbirth.  _______ Me: I NEED HELP! I NEED A STRETCHER FOR MY HUSBAND IN THE CAR. Doctor: Ma’am. Is your husband injured? Me: Yes. Yes, hurry. He can’t move. Nurse: (pushing an empty wheelchair out the Emergency Department’s doors) Ma’am, how did you get him in the car if he can’t move? Me: I had help.…

  • Womanhood

    Love in Ten Lines.

    I’m not the best at reading blogs, lately. I don’t have the time. The easiest way to get me to read your blog is commenting on my post. I’ll most likely comment back then click to see what you’re up to. Last night I clicked – The Brickhouse Chick. I have never met her in real life. She rarely posts pictures of herself. But I would know her if I ran into her on the street. I picture her being loud, intertwining the languages of spanish and english. And a great laugh. I have no doubt Mrs. Brickhouse has a great laugh. She posted a writing challenge: Love in Ten Lines. (click her link to see her version.)…

  • Humor,  Travel,  Womanhood

    The first is the worst.

    I was not planning on writing about my first bikini wax. But ladies – What the hell is wrong with you?! Or maybe I should be yelling at the men. Or the Brazilians. Whose idea was this anyway? I should google that. On a whim, I scheduled a bikini wax before my Florida trip. I thought it would be nice not to have to worry about shaving. My sister highly recommended that I request the woman that does her bikini waxes. The more my bikini area grew in preparation, the more nervous I got about someone ripping my course Mexican hairs out with wax. I brought up my upcoming bikini…

  • Humor

    Repost: Raising the Tatas.

    Hello you beautiful summer weather, you. It’s been a long winter. The sweatshirts and jeans are gone. I don’t want to see them until October when my face is buried in a pumpkin spice candle. The tank tops are hanging front and center in my closet. My strapless bras are sitting in my drawers like perfect little mountain tops. This will be my second summer wearing tank tops without bra straps. To kick off summer weather, I give you a re-post from last year: Raising the Tatas. This post is intended for women to read. The title is true – it is about the tatas. So men, keep reading if…